<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A\nPost-Apocalyptic Christmas Travesty<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n or<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Never\nTrust A Mutated Red Deer<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n by E. L. Ball<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n One<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n What was once Namur, Belgium, sometime after the 3rd<\/sup> Great War\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Something within\nthe pile of rags began to stir. A grease-stained hand emerged and\ncracked, filthy nails scratched against the concrete floor. Like a\nphantom rising from the grave, the rags shifted and rose until they\nrevealed themselves to be the attire of a man desperately clinging to\nwarmth. He began to rub is arms in an attempt to generate a little\nheat as he slowly shifted from one foot to the other, hoping to do\nthe same for his legs. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n While attempting\nto find warmth, he began to look around his surroundings for\nsomething useful in building a fire. By the feeble light slipping in\nthrough the gaps in the boards covering the cracked windows, he found\nhimself in what, at one time, appeared to have been a bookstore.\nWhile there were very few books left scattered among the shelves, he\nsaw enough to know a nice warm fire wasn’t out of his grasp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Moving about the\nplace, he began to gather what books he could carry, reading the\ntitles as he added a new one to his collection. \u201cWar and Peace<\/em>,\u201d\nhe muttered as he held the book aloft. \u201cYou, alone, should keep my\nfire burning for quite a while.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Every few minutes,\nhe would return to the spot in which he had made his bed and unloaded\nhis arms. To the best of his memory\u2014from the stories his\ngrandfather had told him of the world before the devastation\u2014this\nwould have been the place where one paid for their purchases. Why any\nbooks at all remained for him to use as fuel was a mystery he neither\nthought of nor would have cared to ponder had he done so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n In one section of\nthe store, secreted away, he thought (though more likely accidentally\nknocked between two shelves) he discovered a paperback book filled\nwith maps from before the war. \u201cHmm. This might actually come in\nhandy,\u201d he said, tucking it under his arm. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The adjoining\nsection bore part of a sign indicating it held books on self-help. It\nwas here he discovered a second book he thought might come in handy.\n\u201cDistilling at Home for Fun and Profit,<\/em>\u201d\nhe read. \u201cI might want to keep this one, as well.\u201d \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n A noise outside interrupted his collecting and he quietly made his way to the front of the store. Peeking through a gap in the boards, he saw four small figures staggering through the ash-colored snow. Behind them, wearing a long overcoat, worn toboggan, and goggles, trudged a very large man. In his gloved hand he gripped a roped that looped around the waists of each child. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Poor little\ncreatures<\/em>, he thought as the\ngroup neared the end of the block. Must be recruiting time\nat the Factory. Cogs and gears don’t make themselves.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Once\nhe was certain they were gone, he returned to the business of\ncollecting material for a fire. The only other book he found was in\nthe children’s section; the cover was smudged and missing a large\npiece. \u201cA Visit From S…Nich…<\/em>,\u201d\nhe said. \u201cSounds interesting.\u201d As he flipped through the book, he\nwas dismayed to find it was the English version, a language in which\nhe lacked fluency. \u201cOh, well,\u201d he said. \u201cAt least I can look at\nthe pictures as I toss them into the fire.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n A rumble in his\nstomach reminded him there were other things to worry about than just\na fire. His body was in need of food. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Making his way to\nthe back of the building, he slid an old filing cabinet from in front\nof the door he had used to enter the previous evening. With the\npracticed ease of one who knew the importance of moving unseen, he\nslipped out and made his way to the man known only as \u201cThe Seller\nof Meats\u201d. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The Seller of\nMeats was a squat, filthy man who wore a grime-covered rag tied\naround his head and covering his right eye. Some said he had lost the\neye while working at the factory in his youth, while others argued\nthe makeshift bandage was nothing more than an excuse to play on what\nlittle sympathies of his customers remained. Regardless of the\nreason, he was the only one in this section of town permitted by the\nFactory to sell or trade meats. Few people ever found the courage to\nask exactly what kind of meat he was selling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cWhat can you\ngive me?\u201d the Seller of Meats asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Not willing to give up, or even mention, the books he had found, the man dug through his pockets. Within moments, he had produced a small, partial can of grease\u2014something the factory could always use\u2014and a couple chunks of coal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The Seller of\nMeats eyed the man’s offerings. \u201cAnd where might these have been\nacquired?\u201d he asked, suspiciously. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cI can only\nguess the coal fell from a wagon,\u201d the man said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cAnd the\ngrease?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThat I took\nfrom the body of an airman whose luck gave out shortly after his\nharness,\u201d the man replied. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The explanations\nsatisfied The Seller of Meats and he withdrew a key from his jacket\npocket. Slipping it into the keyhole of a locked box, he gave it a\ntwist and was soon handing his customer a wrapped package.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Tucking it into an\ninner pocket, the man nodded his appreciation and returned to the\nremains of the bookstore. He was relieved to find everything as he\nhad left it. As he removed the package of meat, he realized he had\nanother issue that needed addressed; the moment he lit the fire and\nbegan cooking his meal, someone’s attention would be gained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Searching through\nthe store for anything he might use to further block out what little\nlight was still able to slip through the gaps and in through the\nwindows. In what might have been a small store room, he found a rough\ngray cloth partially glued to the floor. After a bit of a struggle,\nhe had removed enough to cover the windows. When he was finally\nsatisfied his little fortress was secure, he began selecting a spot\nto start his fire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Within the hour,\nhis small fire was enticing grease from the meat to join it below the\nmakeshift spit; a steady sizzle declared the union. Only once during\nits preparation did he hear movement outside his door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Once his meal was\ncomplete, he picked up A Visit From S…Nich. <\/em>As he began to\nflip through the book, his mind wandered back to the children being\nherded to the factory. The look of hopelessness on their faces\ntouched something deep in his heart. \u201cIf there was only some way to\nbring a small bit of hope to their miserable lives, working at the\nFactory might not be so bad,\u201d he thought aloud. \u201cIf only this\nSnich person was still around.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The idea came upon\nhim so quick, he almost felt like it was something he was called to\ndo. \u201cI shall become Snich,\u201d he declared. Looking through the book\na second time, he began to make mental notes on what he might need to\nspread hope. To do this right, he would need a red suit, eight deer,\na sleigh, and a bag of presents…and he had to sneak about in the\ndead of night. Taking stock of what he had, he immediately ruled out\nthe red suit\u2014what he was wearing now would help him blend in\nbetter, anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n As for the sleigh\nand the deer, he definitely knew they wouldn’t be found in a\nbookstore. He did have an idea, but that meant he would have to leave\nhis new home. The urge to be at it was so great, he immediately put\nout his fire, collected his books\u2014filling as many pockets as he\ncould\u2014and made his way to the back door. He never bothered looking\nback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \nTwo<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \n It took Snich two\ndays to reach his destination; a place well away from the prying eyes\nof the Factory. The Brouwerji Aakster had been a mainstay of Namur\nfor a couple centuries, but after the 3rd<\/sup> Great War, it\nhad been abandoned and neglected. While much of what had remained\nafter the abandonment had been scavenged, he was sure he would still\nbe able to find part of what he was looking for. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Taking a moment to\npeek in through a broken window, he made certain no one had taken up\nresidence in the old brewery. He debated on whether to take the time\nto scrape away the snow that blocked one of the doors, or just finish\nknocking out the window and crawling through. He decided on the\nlatter since it would be less likely to draw unwanted attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Once inside, he\nbegan to explore. Almost everything metal had been stripped from the\npremises, probably taken to the Factory, but that wasn’t what he was\nlooking for. It was several minutes before he found the object of his\nsearch; large, oak barrels once used to age wine. The wine was long\ngone, but a couple of the barrels fit his needs almost perfectly.\nContinuing his search, he stumbled\u2014quite literally\u2014across a roll\nof tin. The gears in his mind began to turn and he quickly grabbed\nthe roll and drug it back to the barrels. During the remainder of his\nsearch, he lucked onto a saw and a hammer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n After making\ncertain the barrels were completely empty, Snich worked throughout\nthe day and well into the night on cutting a huge barrel in half.\nWith the task complete, he curled up inside and took a nice, long\nnap. When he woke several hours later, he began the task of locating\nand removing nails from among the scrap wood he had seen during his\ninitial search. Afterwards, he began nailing the tin to the bottom of\nthe barrel, hoping it would make the barrel slide more smoothly on\nthe ever-present snow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n As he worked, he\ngot the distinct impression of being watched. A snort drew his\nattention off to the left. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Like something\ndropped into a badly written story merely for the purpose of\nsupplying a character what he needed, five mutated red deer wandered\ninto the brewery and began watching the curious human.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Snich grinned when\nhe saw them. Standing nearly 6-foot at the shoulder, the deer were\ncovered with soft-velvety fur everywhere except for the top of their\nheads. A large, bony plate\u2014pushed out and up by the mutated brain\nunderneath\u2014covered everything from the base of their skulls to\ntheir brows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cInteresting,\u201d\nthe lead deer said, telepathically, to the others. \u201cThese creatures\ndo the strangest things.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cPreposterous is\nwhat they are,\u201d a second dear replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cDo you think it\nis intelligent enough to communicate with?\u201d another one asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cWe can try,\u201d\nthe lead deer responded. \u201cYou, human. What is this nonsense?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Snich’s eyes grew\nwide. \u201cYou can speak…sort of?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The comment\nelicited numerous snorts and a couple eye-rolls from the deer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The lead deer\nignored his herd and asked, \u201cHuman, what are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The energetic\nSnich quickly told of his plans to secretly bring joy and hope to the\nchildren being forced to work for the Factory. He explained the\nsleigh, then paused, looking at the five deer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cI don’t even\nneed telepathy to know what the human is thinking,\u201d one said to the\nothers. \u201cPerhaps we should just eat him and be done with it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The lead deer,\nhowever, was having other ideas. \u201cThink about the opportunity we\nare being given here,\u201d he projected to the others. \u201cIf we help\nthis foolish human, we can travel farther into their city than ever\nbefore. The knowledge we gain will be invaluable when we of the\nforests rise up and take over.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The others saw the\nwisdom of their leader and began to nod.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cAnd you would\nlike us to pull this…contraption,\u201d the leader said to Snich.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThat would be\nwonderful,\u201d Snich replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cUm,\u201d one of\nthe red deer interrupted, \u201cmay I ask a question?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Snich nodded.\n\u201cPlease, do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cWhat kind of\ngifts do you intend to give the little humans?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Snich ran his hand\ninto one of his pockets, pulled out a book, and held it aloft. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cWhat is that?\u201d\nthe lead deer asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cIt is a book on\nmaking whiskey,\u201d Snich said, smiling from ear to ear. \u201cIf it can\nbring cheer to me, a full grown adult, imagine the joy it will bring\nto children.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \nThree<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Approximately\n4400 kilometers to the north, several shadowy figures were assembled\ntogether in an icy chamber deep beneath earth. Uncertain glances were\nexchanged as they looked at what appeared to be a large metal\nsarcophagus. Unlike a sarcophagus, however, this apparatus had\nnumerous copper tubes leading into and out of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cAre we agreed\non this?\u201d a high-pitched voice asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cNot to be the\nvoice of dissent,\u201d someone else asked, \u201cbut, are we sure this is\nwise? We don’t know the effects of bringing him out early will have\non him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cYou saw the\nsame reports the rest of us did,\u201d the first voice argued. \u201cIf\nthat idiot is allowed to carry out his plans,\u201d the speaker\nindicated the sarcophagus, \u201che won’t have a reason to be revived at\nall.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The dissenting\nvoice nodded. \u201cYou’re right, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThen we are in\nagreement.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n There was a\nresounding \u201cAye!\u201d from all present.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThen, let’s be\nat it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Everyone began to\nscramble to their assigned positions. Valves were turned, pressure\ngauge needles began to bounce, and steam began to fill the upper\nreaches of the chamber. A whistle somewhere in the distance screamed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n A second group\nheard the noise and knew their time had come. Tiny hands that once\ncrafted the finest of toys now plied their skill at readying the\nautomatons. Tubes were connected to each of the nine automatons and\nsteam was pumped into buoyancy bladders. It passed from each of the\nnine and once they were all filled, a small indicator globe on the\nlead automaton began to glow a bright red.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Back in the\nchamber, the strange sarcophagus was being drained of the nutrient\nsolution that had sustained its occupant since the 3rd<\/sup>\nGreat War. A lone hand-cranked generator introduced small doses of\nelectricity into decreasing fluid with the purpose of jump-starting\nthe heart and nervous system. Once the last of the solution was gone,\nthe generator was put aside. Eagerly, the group waited and hoped the\nprocess had been successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Several anxious\nminutes passed before a very large hand was thrust upward and grasped\nthe side of the now-open sarcophagus. A roar of pain, rage, and\nconfusion filled the chamber as a giant of a man pulled himself\nupright and climbed to his feet. Long, white, unkempt hair fell\nacross his shoulders and an equally unkempt beard lay matted against\nhis chest. There was no sign of recognition in his eyes as he scanned\nhis surroundings; everyone began to back away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n After several\ntense moments, one of the tiny figures took a bold step forward and\nspoke. \u201cYou’d better watch out, you better not cry, you better not\npout, I’m telling you why…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The words\ntriggered something in the big man’s brain (as they were meant to do)\nand his eyes began to soften. His lips parted and he spoke. \u201cBecause\nI’m coming to town!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n There was a cheer\nand two of the figures approached him bearing a great red robe\ntrimmed in white fur. \u201cHere, Santa,\u201d one of them said. \u201cYou\nshould put this on.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Santa looked down\nat his unclothed body and grinned. \u201cI thought I felt a chill.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n As he donned the\nrobe, he looked around. \u201cMy faithful elves,\u201d he said. \u201cHow long\nhas it been?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cNearly a\ncentury,\u201d one of the elves replied, sobering the festive mood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cPrepare\nsomething to eat while I get cleaned up,\u201d Santa said, \u201cthen you\ncan bring me up to speed on what I’ve missed\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n* * * * \n*<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The now-refreshed\nSanta ate in silence as Jingle, his lead elf, handled his briefing. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cAnd that is why\nwe had to risk waking you early,\u201d Jingle said, in conclusion. \u201cWe\nwere afraid we would lose Christmas forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Santa swallowed\nthe last of his egg nog and wiped his mouth with the back of his\nhand. Leaning back in his chair, he closed his eyes in thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n No one spoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n When he opened his\neyes, Jingle and the others could tell something wasn’t right.\nSanta’s brows were furrowed and his gaze was distant. There was a\ncollective gasp when he finally spoke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cSummon the\nKrampus Squad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n These were words\nno elf wanted to hear. Santa usually traveled with a single member of\nthe dreaded Krampus Squad, never the whole squad. The chosen member\nof the squad would always precede Santa into a house and eliminate\nany threats of discovery. While it was rare for anything harsher than\na mind-wipe be used, there were cases where the offending child had\nto be brought to the North Pole and subjugated to a year-long\nreconditioning. If he were summoning the entire squad, there would be\nno silent night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \nFour<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Snich was\nbeginning to discover a flaw in his plan after watching the first few\nhouses he had visited. The children got to enjoy none of the whiskey\nhe had left for them; that enjoyment was stolen by the adults in\ntheir lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cDon’t they\nunderstand the whiskey isn’t for them?\u201d he asked the red deer.\n\u201cThey are ruining it for the children.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cWe’ve been\nthinking,\u201d the lead deer said, ignoring Snich’s complaint. \u201cWe\nneed human names. Having you point at us and say \u201cUh, you\u201d is\ngetting old.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Snich looked at\nthe deer. \u201cSay what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cNames,\u201d the\ndeer said. \u201cFocus, human.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cFine,\u201d Snich\nsaid, \u201cbut, remember, I have a name too. Just being called \u201chuman\u201d\nhurts my feelings.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cOkay…Snich…we\nare sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Snich smiled. \u201cI\nknow the perfect names for you. There was once a group of men that\ncould have ruled the world had they chosen to. Instead, they chose to\nbring joy to the masses.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The deer looked at\neach other and nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cFrom this day\nforward, you shall be Nick, Kevin, Brian, Howie, and A.J.,\u201d Snich\nsaid. \u201cI’ll let you decide which name you want.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The lead deer (who\nchose the name \u201cNick\u201d) spoke. \u201cNow, back to whatever you were\nprattling about.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cI was saying\nthe adults are commandeering all the whiskey and the children’s lives\nare still hopeless,\u201d Snich said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cWe have noticed\nthis,\u201d Nick replied, \u201cand we have come up with two possible\nsolutions.\u201d The rest of the deer began to nod.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cGo on,\u201d Snich\nsaid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cOur first\noption is to round up and deliver all the children to the Factory so\nthey are in one place,\u201d Nick said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cOr…?\u201d Snich\nadded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cOr, we kill all\nthe adults so they can’t steal the whiskey from the little humans.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Snich put his\nhands behind his back and began to pace. After a couple moments, he\nbegan to nod. \u201cAnd if we do both,\u201d he said, \u201cwe can guarantee\nthe children will have plenty of whiskey.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cAnd,\u201d Nick\nbroadcast to the other deer, \u201cwith the adults out of the way, we\nare one step closer to domination.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The other deer\nbegan to snort in amusement. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cAll we need now\nis a plan,\u201d Snich said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Nick began to nod\nhis great head. \u201cI believe I have one.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n A silent signal\nfrom their leader sent A.J. and Howie away at a quick trot. Once they\nwere gone, Nick explained his plan. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThere are\ncertain plants in the forests that can steal the life of a human,\u201d\nthe deer explained. \u201cIf we add these to the whiskey, then leave it\nfor the adults, it will be easier to collect the children and deliver\nthem to the Factory.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Eager to put\nNick’s plan in action, Snich hurried off to start the next batch. It\nwould be wonderful to finally bring hope to the children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n With the human gone, Nick spoke to the two remaining deer. \u201cIt is a wonder humans lasted as long as they did. Once the adults here are dead, we should have no problem convincing Snich to spread his poisonous hope to other cities.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Kevin and Brian\nexchanged glances and snorted again. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cCome,\u201d Nick\nsaid. \u201cLet’s keep an eye on the human, lest he inadvertently ruin\nour plans.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n With the deer now gone, a small figure separated itself from the shadows of the rafters and made its way to the roof. Free of the building, he collected his belongings\u2014a leather cap, goggles, leather leg-guards, and a steam-powered pack\u2014and prepared for his return journey to the north. After strapping the pack across his shoulders, he donned the cap, leg-guards, and goggles. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The elf performed\na quick pre-flight check before adjusting a pressure valve and\nlaunching himself from the roof. If he couldn’t make it to the North\nPole in record time, there would a new name at the top of the naughty\nlist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \nFive<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The Krampus Squad\nwas the stuff of nightmares. In centuries past, this elite squad of\nfive elves relied on masks and costumes to provide their frightful\nappearances, but at the dawn of the nuclear age things changed. While\nundertaking a training exercise on Rudolph Island, they were caught\nin the mutating radiation of a Russian nuclear missile test. Their\nhair began to fall out in great clumps for the first month. It was\nonly after they were completely bald did their hair begin to grow,\ncovering their entire body; it had the coarseness of that of a wild\nboar. Their faces began to contort, their skin shriveled and cracked,\nand their jaws began to elongate, filling with razor-sharp teeth, and\nlarge tusks pushed out from the corners of their mouths. Worst of\nall, their bodies were no longer able to tolerate the taste of sugar\nplums.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n When Santa was put\ninto the stasis chamber at the beginning of the 3rd<\/sup> Great\nWar, they were as well for he was the only one who could control\nthem. Their revival went no better than Santa’s; most of those\npresent were treated and released from the North Pole medical center.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n It took the\npresence of Santa to bring things under control. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cBoys,\u201d he\nsaid, \u201cwe’ve got a major problem brewing down south and it needs to\nbe taken care of immediately.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Snarls, howls, and\ngrowls were the only responses he received.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cIt appears\nsomeone calling himself \u201cSnich\u201d is trying to takeover Christmas,\u201d\nSanta continued. \u201cThe sleigh is being prepped, and as soon as it is\nready, we are heading to Belgium to put an end to the problem once\nand for all.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The Krampus Squad\nleaped in anticipation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n A grim looking elf\napproached the group. \u201cEverything is ready for your departure.\u201d\nHe was bowled over as the savage crew ran from the room, heading to\nthe sleigh. Santa was hot on their tail, reminding them\u2014loudly\u2014not\nto injure any more elves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n* * * * \n*<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The steam-powered\nsleigh and automaton reindeer sped through the evening sky. Rather\nthan a sack full of toys for the good little boys and girls of\nyesteryear, Santa and the Krampus Squad flew with a vengeance. For\nthe briefest of moments, Father Christmas almost regretted bringing\nthe whole squad, but quickly brushed such sentiments away. Snich and\nthose confounded red deer were trying to steal his holiday; he was\ngoing to show no mercy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \nSix<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Snich was adding the last of the poison to the whiskey when he and the deer heard a clatter from up on the roof. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cFinish mixing\nthat,\u201d Nick said. \u201cWe will investigate.\u201d He glanced at A.J. And\nmentally added, \u201cMake sure he doesn’t make a mistake.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n A.J. nodded. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The four red deer\nmade their way through the brewery, constantly watching the\nskylights. Reaching out with their telepathic powers, they tried to\npick up the thoughts of any intruders. All they could sense was what\nappeared to be the jumbled thoughts of a pack of feral beasts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cProbably\nmutants,\u201d Nick said, \u201cbut we need to make certain.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Up on the rooftop,\nSanta pointed down at the four red deer and then to his own eyes;\nfour of the Krampus nodded in reply. Santa and the remaining Krampus\ncrept away, knowing the four would continue to watch until they heard\nSanta’s signal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Snich and A.J.\nboth received a message from Nick. \u201cIt looks like something might\nbe on the roof, but we haven’t been able to get a good look to\nconfirm that. Keep working, but stay alert.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Moving with the\nstealthy grace for which he had become known in centuries past, Santa\nClaus, followed closely by the Krampus, made their way to an old\nexhaust pipe that led to the kettle room. The old man took a deep\nbreath and concentrated. His body began to contort and reshape itself\nuntil he was able to easily pass through the pipe and down in to the\nbrewery. The Krampus followed suit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The pair landed\nsilently, instantly regaining their natural shape. Santa held up a\nhand to prevent the silence from leaving. After listening for a\nmoment, he pointed to the Krampus. Nostrils flared and the mutated\nelf held up two fingers. He raised one finger while pointing at\nSanta, then a second finger before raising both hands to the sides of\nhis head imitating a deer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Santa nodded,\nraised his fist, and silently counted to three. He and the Krampus\nstepped into the open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cHo,ho, ho,\nChowder-heads.\u201d Santa bellowed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n* * * * \n*<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Up on the rooftop,\nSanta’s words reached the keen ears of the four remaining squad\nmembers. With filthy claws extended and howls rising in their\nthroats, the North Pole’s elite warriors leaped from the building and\nonto the unsuspecting red deer. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Kevin was the\nfirst to go down, the added weight of his attacker snapping his front\nright leg. Panic prevented him from mounting any sort of defense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Howie and Brian\nalso went down, but managed to roll over the Krampus and scramble\nback to their feet. Howie sustained a vicious rake to his rear left\nflank, the pain and burning it left was enough to convince him he had\njust received a lethal dose of unholy poison from the creature’s\nclaw. Brian, on the other hand, managed to land a solid kick to the\nchest of his assailant. His blow drew wicked laughter from the\nKrampus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Nick was the only\none who managed a successful counter-attack. He was able to loose a\nfull blast of mental energy at the final Krampus. Knocked hard to the\nground, he showed no sign of rising anytime soon. Nick trotted over\nand began to stomp on the mutated elf’s unconscious body. A grunt\nfrom Brian drew his attention to the other skirmishes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Both Howie and\nKevin were down and not moving, something neither of them would ever\ndo again. Brian was now surrounded and covered in wounds; Nick knew\nhe was as good as lost. Turning away, he raced into the brewery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \nSeven<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \n A.J. stepped\nbetween Snich and the newcomers. The ugly one looked to be the most\ndangerous, but the big man in red worried him more. There was\nsomething about the way he carried himself that made the deer\nnervous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cConsider this\nyour only warning,\u201d Santa said. \u201cLeave my holiday alone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n It might have been\na moment of unexpected courage, (more than likely, however, it was\nthe untainted whiskey he had kept back for himself) but Snich felt\nthe need to defend himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cYou look almost\nlike the picture from the book,\u201d he said, \u201cbut this is my gig.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cSon,\u201d Santa\nsaid, stepping closer, \u201cunless you are planning to spend eternity\nat the top of the naughty list, step away from the kettle.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n A.J. bit into\nSnich’s shirt and pulled him back. \u201cI don’t believe you should\nantagonize him,\u201d he projected to the human. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cYou should\nlisten to your pet,\u201d Santa said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The deer snorted\nin disbelief. \u201cYou can hear my thoughts?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThe whole\nsleeping, awake, good or bad thing,\u201d Santa replied. \u201cDidn’t this\nidiot share the song with you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cNo,\u201d A.J.\nsaid, \u201che did not.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cHey,\u201d Snich\nprotested, \u201cthe idiot is right here…I mean I’m right here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n A.J. and Santa\nexchanged glances, both rolling their eyes. In unison, they both\nsaid, \u201cShut up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n As Snich\nstammered, Santa and the deer continued their conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cSo,\u201d A.J.\nsaid. \u201cThis whole naughty list…does it apply to telepathic mutant\nred deer?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cWhat do you\nthink?\u201d Santa asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The red deer bowed\nhis head. \u201cI think I would like to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cYou aren’t\ngoing anywhere,\u201d Nick projected. \u201cNo one is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n A.J. looked at\nNick, then at Santa. \u201cWhat do I do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cDo nothing,\u201d\nSanta advised.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cKill them!\u201d\nNick demanded. \u201cKill all humans!\u201d With that command, he loosed a\ntelepathic blast at Santa and the accompanying Krampus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The Krampus\nstaggered back, but the man in red stood unphased. Again and again,\nthe red deer used his mind blasts against Father Christmas, but to no\navail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cWhy won’t you\nfall?\u201d \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Santa shook his\nhead in pity. Looking past the maniacal mutant, he saw the arrival of\nthe rest of the Krampus Squad\u2014all four of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Nick craned his\nhead around and found himself surrounded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cGive up,\u201d\nA.J. suggested. \u201cIt’s over.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n All traces of\nsanity fled the red deer’s eyes as he charged toward Santa. He only\nmade it a few yards before the clawed hands of the squad caught him\nand dragged him down and away. His cries of madness echoed in the\nhall until, suddenly, there was silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Santa turned his\nattention to Snich.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The would-be\njoy-bringer looked at Santa, A.J., and the returning Krampus Squad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cWhat are we\ngoing to do with you?\u201d Santa asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cLet me go?\u201d\nSnich offered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cAfter what you\nhave done?\u201d Santa asked. \u201cNot bloody likely.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThen…what are\nyou going to do with me?\u201d Snich asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n* * * * \n*<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThis doesn’t\ntaste like rat,\u201d Snich commented to the elf.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cIt isn’t,\u201d\nthe elf replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThen, what is\nit?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n The elf rolled his\neyes. \u201cDoes it matter? You’re getting fed; be thankful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cBut, what is\nit?\u201d Snich whined.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cIt sugar\nplums,\u201d the elf said. \u201cYou’re eating sugar plums; and before you\nask, you’re drinking egg nog. And it is the same thing you will be\ngetting tomorrow and every day after that for the next two years.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n With that, he\nstepped back and pulled a lever. There was a burst of steam, followed\nby a shrill whistle, then a great solid gear began to roll in a track\nuntil it came to rest in front of Snich’s cell. Never before had the\nelf questioned Santa’s judgment, but, for just a moment, he could\nunderstand why the big guy hadn’t just left him to the Krampus Squad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \nThe End<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A Post-Apocalyptic Christmas Travesty or Never Trust A Mutated Red Deer by E. L. Ball One What was once Namur, Belgium, sometime after the 3rd Great War\u2014 Something within the pile of rags began to stir. A grease-stained hand emerged and cracked, filthy nails scratched against the concrete floor. Like a phantom rising from the grave, the rags shifted and rose until they revealed themselves to be the attire of a man desperately clinging to warmth. He began to rub…<\/p>\n